Surviving Widowhood

October 17th, 2008

This is the first of the flybaby guest articles that I told you about in Flybabies Write!  This was written by Vickie H who presents some of the challenges of the first year of widowhood.  I’m proud of her accomplishments and thankful to call her a friend.

When my husband died 10 June, 2007, I went into robot mode.  I knew I had to make phone calls and plan a funeral. This was the easy part.  The funeral showing was not my best. I was there from opening to closing. but could not handle standing or staying in the showing room.   My DMIL and DS are the ones that met people.  People who came for me had to search me out.  The people my husband worked with came early the last day of the showing since they came straight from work. I was not able to even walk over to the group, I actually ran away from the situation, This is the one thing I wish I could go back and handle differently.

I still was in robot mode when the funeral was over.  I knew I had to handle the estate and the financial paper work.  I had no Idea where we were financially or what all the bills consisted of.  My husband’s filing was in the cars and in boxes, so I had to locate the paper work.  It was a very stressful time for me.   The first time I met the lawyer, I felt like I was dirt. The lawyer made me wonder how a 50+ woman could be so clueless?    I had been a stay at home mother since 1992, but I had also been in the military for almost 16 years.  For some reason when the lawyer found out that I had been in the air force, his attitude totally changed.  I know that I was not prepared for the lawyer, but I had no idea of what was to come.  We were buying the farm, but the loan and the paper work was in my husband’s name only.  Since I was not working at the time, so I could not take the loan out in my name.    I knew that the farm was worth twice as much as we owed.  It was bought from his dad and had been in the family over 100 years.  We took a mortgage out to remodel the house to livable condition.  I still have the mortgage, but my daughter can live here until she graduates. 

I try to block out memories of when we did things or how we did them whether good or bad.  There are times things pop up involuntarily.   At the Christmas recital, the high school students. which included my daughter, played songs that my children played in fifth grade for their first Christmas recital. They were not very good in the fifth grade. but they only had their instruments for 2 months at the time of that recital. I automatically turned to my left and started to say, “Did you ever think they would sound so good” but he wasn’t there, I started to cry. 

I miss not having him here to help me make decisions.  I go into robot mode a lot.  It is hard not having him to talk to about what the children are doing.   The hardest thing is his not being here to share the joys that the children have brought,  Joys which include marriage and senior night honoring the band players and parents. The list goes on.   I try to go to the grandchildren’s (step) events.  My husband is not there to experience the joy I see in their faces; joy just because I am there. 

The only thing that pulls me through is knowing God does not give us anything we can’t handle.  I forgot that for a couple of months and went into a deep depression. I was so worried about getting a job and not being able to take off when my family needed me.   I know that I will eventually go to work, but my daughter comes first.  DH provided enough for us until she graduates.   With the way the work environment is for new employees, not being able to miss for anything the first 3 months, I just couldn’t do that.  She has had two surgeries, 2 accidents and school activities I just couldn’t miss these.   God has stepped in everyday. as long as I allow him, to get me through the ups and downs.   Asking for God’s guidance everyday and knowing my husband is also watching, allows me to continue.   

Covered Bridge Bonus

October 17th, 2008

I’m sharing two of the recipes that I used for my Covered Bridge Festival baking.  My grandmother mostly baked pies, but I was the cookie and bread queen.  These cookies were big sellers.  They were not the run of the mill cookies. Most first time visitors had never tasted them before.  Especially the persimmon. 

PERSIMMON COOKIES

  • 1 cup persimmon pulp
  • 1 cup chopped nuts
  • 1 cup raisins
  • 1 cup white sugar
  • 1/2 cup butter
  • 2 cups flour
  • 1 tsp baking soda (dissolve in pulp)
  • 1/2 tsp cloves
  • 1/2 tsp cinnamon
  • 1/2 tsp nutmeg
  • 1 egg
  • dash salt

Cream the sugar and shortening together.  Add raisins and nuts to the flour.  Beat egg and add to pulp.  Add pulp mixture to sugar mixture.  Sift dry ingredients and add last.  Drop on greased cookie sheet.  Bake at 350F for 20-25 minutes.

PUMPKIN COOKIES

  • 1 1/4 cup sugar
  • 1 tsp baking soda
  • 1/2 cup shortening
  • 2 cups sifted flour
  • 1 egg
  • 1 cup strained, cooked pumpkin
  • 1/2 tsp salt
  • 1 cup seedless raisins
  • 1 tsp cinnamon
  • 1/2 cup peanuts or chopped pecans

Cream sugar and shortening together.  Beat in eggs.  Sift dry ingredients and add to creamed mixture along with pumpkin.  Beat to blend thoroughly.  Fold in raisins and nuts.  Drop by teaspoon on greased baking sheet.  Bake in 350F oven for 12-15 minutes or until done.  Makes 3 dozen.  Will keep for 8-10 days.

Now you can enjoy a little taste of the festival.

Rockville Covered Bridge Festival

October 16th, 2008

Parke County, Indiana bills itself as the Covered Bridge Capital of the World.  At a count of 30 covered bridges, it beat out Lancaster, Pennsylvania by one bridge of having the most in the nation.  In 1978 the bridges were added to the National Register of Historic Places. The Covered Bridge Festival is always  held the second through the third weekend of October.  I don’t know how this festival got it’s start, but in it’s beginning, it was a small rural festival.  

My mother and grandmother had a friend, Mildred Hardesty, who had a house on one of the two bridge routes, During the festival, Mildred would rent table space to a few friends.  We had a combined setup where my mother sold antiques and my grandmother and I sold baked goods and needlework as well as arts and crafts.  Although the covered bridge routes started in Rockville, the county seat, we were located nearer the small village of Mansfield.  Actually, it was out in the boonies with not much around except the small gravel road out front.  We didn’t see much traffic pass by during the week, but business picked up on the weekends.   Each year the festival became bigger and bigger.   Now it’s bumper to bumper cars and  people literally come from all over the country to participate in this small town mid-American tradition.  I don’t know how long it takes to form a tradition, but the festival, which began in 1957, is a tradition for Hoosiers. 

Headquartered on the courthouse lawn in Rockville, you will find food served by many of the non-profit organizations of the county that use funds from the Festival to promote their organizations throughout the year. A large tent and streets around the courthouse filled with crafters and vendors for your shopping delight are open daily from 9 am to 6pm. Some have been here since the festival began. Free entertainment is scheduled on the south side of the courthouse throughout each day.

Bus tours leave the square daily from the tour booth located on the northwest corner of the square. Guided tours take you through the county to make stops at communities in the county and, of course, to see Covered Bridges along the way. Tickets are $10.00 for adults, under 12 is $7.00 and lap sitters are free. For reserved tickets please call 765-569-5226 or email pci@ticz.com. Choose from either of the routes, Red or Yellow Each route is unique and different. The Red route tours the southern part of the county with stops in Bridgeton and Rosedale and Mecca. Yellow travels north through country farm communities, Bloomingdale, Tangier and Montezuma. where they serve their famous “Buried Beef,” and stops at Bloomingdale, a Quaker Community and Montezuma with the Hog Roast and Wabash Erie Canal. You will see 5-6 bridges on each route. 

An alternative is to pick up a map of the bridges, get back in your car and drive at your own pace.  This is an enjoyable way to spend an autumn day or weekend.  A drive through the countryside viewing the fall foliage, stopping to see a bit of history, sampling food that you’ve never eaten nor even heard of before, buying goodies, both antique and new, and of course, experiencing covered bridges.  Be sure you pass by Mansfield.  It’s a pretty swinging little village now days.

A Purple State Of Mind

October 15th, 2008

This book is especially relevant now as we are focused on the red states and the blue states as our presidential election draws near.


It’s the 15th, time for the Non~FIRST blog tour!(Non~FIRST will be merging with FIRST Wild Card Tours on January 1, 2009…if interested in joining, click HERE!)

The feature author is:

Craig Detweiler

and his book:
 

Harvest House Publishers (July 1, 2008)

ABOUT THE AUTHOR:
Craig Detweiler (PhD, Fuller Theological Seminary) is codirector of the Reel Spirituality Institute and associate professor of theology and culture at Fuller Theological Seminary. He has written scripts for numerous Hollywood films, and his comedic documentary, Purple State of Mind (www.purplestateofmind.com), debuted in 2008. He has been featured in the New York Times, on CNN, and on NPR and is the coauthor of A Matrix of Meanings. Barry Taylor (PhD, Fuller Theological Seminary), adjunct professor of popular culture and theology at Fuller, is a professional musician, painter, and the leader of New Ground, an alternative worship gathering in Los Angeles.

Product Details

List Price: 13.99
Paperback: 240 pages
Publisher: Harvest House Publishers (July 1, 2008)
Language: English
ISBN-10: 0736924604
ISBN-13: 978-0736924603

AND NOW…THE FIRST CHAPTER:

 

Freedomand

Responsibility

How did the culture war begin? Was there a clear winner? Or did it devolve into a long, costly stalemate? What can we learn from the battle? Perhaps we are not as polarized as we presume. Political parties and pundits strive to distinguish themselves from the competition in the starkest possible terms. We use rhetoric to rail against one another while our core positions may involve only a slight divergence. We may be hardly separated rather than deeply divided. Can we move from an adolescent mind-set, shouting across the religious and political divide, into something more thoughtful, productive, and mature?

As a witness to the sixties and seventies, I’ve seen how destructive we can be—even toward ourselves. I’ve also lived through the comparative comfort of the Reagan era in the eighties. He turned back the clock to a prosperous vision of America before the social upheavals of the sixties. Can we uphold the vigorous freedom of the sixties alongside the rigorous responsibility of the fifties?

A purple state of mind pushes past the either/or squabbles of an earlier era. It adopts a both/and approach to following God and interacting with the world. It builds bridges rather than burning them. It seeks common ground rather than points of division. A purple state of mind attains maturity by knowing when and where to apply biblical truths to our blind spots.

John: I think this should be a candid discussion.

Craig: I want it to be first and foremost an honest conversation. Straightforward. Tell the truth. Nothing held back.

Were you alive when President John F. Kennedy was shot? While the world wailed, I was warm in my mother’s womb. She was in the doctor’s office, awaiting a checkup on my status. I was born two months after Kennedy was assassinated. I arrived after the initial shockwave, the outpouring of grief, and the confusion as to why such tragedy happens. But we all continue to wrestle with the conflicts that erupted in the wake of Kennedy’s death.

I entered a world on fire. Throughout my childhood, there were riots in the streets, protests on campuses, scenes from Vietnam in the news. My parents attempted to shield me from much of the conflict, turning me on to Mr. Rogers rather than Walter Cronkite. Yet the palpable conflicts over civil rights, free speech, and the war draft spilled into newspapers, televisions, and casual conversations. The struggle for civil rights was more than a century in the making. Leaders like Rosa Parks and Martin Luther King were as patient as possible, given their long walk to freedom. Yet the positive steps created by the Civil Rights Act still moved too slowly for those trapped in the inner city. Riots in Watts and Detroit set cities ablaze. The mistakes of the Vietnam War constitute their own painful book. As images of the war filtered into our living rooms, resentment toward our leaders grew. Chaos reigned among protestors inside and outside the 1968 Democratic National Convention.

I knew my dad hated the protestors, but I didn’t know why. Something about their appearance bugged him. It may have been their long hair, their scanty clothes, and their flagrant disregard of authority. The hippies seemed equally frustrated by people like my father. They were complaining about the man, the system, anyone over 30. Why were the protestors so angry? What was all the shouting about? A generation gap emerged over the war in Vietnam. The students were ostensibly resisting the draft. They did not want to serve in an endless, misguided war in Southeast Asia.

Behind the political policies were distinct lifestyle choices. The hippies were celebrating free love, plentiful drugs, and raucous rock music. My father was wondering what happened to hard work, paying taxes, and civic responsibility. Teenagers embraced freedom while adults trumpeted responsibility. These dueling notions of the American identity exploded into a full-blown culture war that has been raging ever since. Reporter Ronald Brownstein calls this second civil war “the great sorting out.”

A purple state of mind appreciates the competing ideals that launched the culture war. It recognizes the patriotism that resides behind both visions. It remembers how much capital was created by responsible citizenship in the fifties. It also celebrates the ingenuity unleashed in the freedom-loving sixties. We learned valuable lessons from both eras. A purple state of mind borrows from both, combining freedom and responsibility.

The Fifties Versus the Sixties

I have lived my entire life in the shadow of the 1960s. I’ve heard the stirring speeches of Martin Luther King and Malcolm X. I’ve mourned the assassination of Bobby Kennedy in Dion’s song, “Abraham, Martin, and John.” I’ve been taken to the Vietnam War in Apocalypse Now. How many television specials have I seen that retrace the upheavals of 1968? Rolling Stone magazine commemorates Woodstock or the Summer of Love every single year! Was it the best of times or the worst of times? Forty years on, we’re still locked in an adolescent debate. We see it in the childish name-calling of Bill O’Reilly and Ann Coulter on the right or MoveOn.org and Daily Kos on the left.

Every American presidential election since the sixties has essentially been a referendum on that painful era. There were no clear winners in Vietnam. Like Rambo, we’re still fighting. It is a dark era in American history most of us would rather not review (even though we must learn those lessons so we stop repeating them). The fissure generated in Vietnam lies behind our conflicted feelings over the war in Iraq. We can’t talk rationally as a nation about important issues because of deep-seated, unresolved family dynamics. If you prefer the comparative calm of the fifties, then you know how to vote. If you uphold the progressive hopes of the sixties, then it is clear which candidate represents you. The only problem with this pattern is that many of us missed the fifties and the sixties. We’re ready to move on, to live in this moment, to meet today’s challenges rather than to relive yesterday’s news.

Living with this conflict is comparable to listening to our parents argue. We’ve heard all the lines, all the rhetoric, and all the old grudges. We can recite them from memory, and we’ve been exhausted by the gridlock. We haven’t bothered to speak up because we know our parents were too busy arguing to listen. The shouting match showed no signs of abating, so we let the circus pass us by. Instead of joining the conversation, we elected to start our own companies, clubs, and churches. The creative brain drain from civic activities has been well documented. Those who were turned off by the partisan rancor eventually turned off the pundits on TV. We are on the Internet instead, arguing about the minutia that remains distinctly ours—music, movies, television, shopping. We don’t want to be superficial. But with no creative political options, we opt out. If we hope to engage the next generation in public life, then this culture war, rooted in bitter recriminations, must stop. For the sake of our children and grandchildren, we must call a cease-fire.

Those of us who’ve inherited this war have seen enough casualties. John Marks and I were born at the end of the baby boom and the beginning of Generation X. We understand the majority position and empathize with the minorities who’ve been sidelined by the sheer size of the opposition. Consider this book an effort to bridge the generation gap. I’m here to help those over fifty understand what is coming. I stand between the baby boomers and their children, brokering a truce. As a professor, I’ve invested heavily in Generation Y, hoping that they will enact enough changes to make room for my children—Generation Z!

Seeking Wisdom

Seek wisdom, not knowledge.

Knowledge is of the past; wisdom is of the future.

Native American PROVERB

I recount our recent history in an effort to fill in gaps in our understanding. We must comprehend where we’ve been if we hope to figure out where we’re going. I’ve seen the abuses of power represented by Watergate. The special prosecutor’s hearings interrupted hours of my favorite TV cartoons. (Did you realize that Hillary Clinton was part of the legal team investigating Nixon’s White House? Republicans have struggled with her for a looooong time!) I watched Nixon’s sad wave goodbye on the White House lawn. I also understand the faith embodied by the first “born again” president, Jimmy Carter. His Southern Baptist beliefs led him to broker peace in the Middle East. Yet I also endured the 444 days of the Iranian hostage crisis that accompanied his peaceful negotiations. After such international embarrassment, Americans desperately wanted to return to the fifties era of strength and power. Ronald Reagan played the part of forceful leader resisting the Soviet Union. The fall of the Berlin Wall and the collapse of Communism was a victory for freedom around the world.

Unresolved tensions about Vietnam, drugs, and the sixties fueled the vitriol hurled at the Clintons and the Bushes. Bill Clinton strapped on the mantle of President Kennedy, declaring himself “A Man from Hope.” His appearance playing saxophone on The Arsenio Hall Show sent a clear signal that he embraced civil rights. As “entertainer in chief,” Clinton demonstrated a mastery of the electronic medium. His obfuscations about inhaling marijuana and dalliances with White House intern Monica Lewinsky also sparked latent fears of sex, drugs, and rock & roll. (Did you realize that Monica’s famous blue dress was found in her mother’s apartment—in the Watergate complex?) To his detractors, Clinton represented too much freedom and not enough presidential responsibility. The impeachment proceedings against him were a recapitulation and payback for the embarrassment borne by the Nixon administration.

George W. Bush represented a return to the fifties. He may have engaged in alcohol abuse or cocaine use, but Bush confessed his sins and seemed genuinely contrite. He experienced the dangers of too much personal freedom and welcomed the responsibility he found in his newfound faith. While Clinton parsed verbs, Bush offered plain-spoken surety. He distanced himself from his patrician upbringing, adopting a Texas rancher lifestyle as a populist alternative. To those tired of Clinton’s libertinism and excess, Bush offered a down-home throwback: cowboy boots and pickup trucks.

Yet all the tough talk in the world seemed insufficient in dealing with a nearly unseen enemy. How could a band of terrorists bring down the World Trade Center? They used our strengths against us, hijacking our own planes. They crashed into our most impressive symbols of financial prowess and military might. September 11, 2001, humbled and angered us. We marched into the Middle East with unprecedented firepower. Afghanistan fell almost without resistance. We submitted Iraq to “shock and awe.” Unfortunately, Osama bin Laden and Al Qaeda proved they could not only run but also hide. We attacked nations, but our enemies were individuals. American technology ended up undermined by insurgents with homemade bombs. We terrorized others with torture at Guantanamo Bay and Abu Ghraib. We operated like a powerful empire but proved incapable of ferreting out an ideology. We desperately need leaders who can protect freedoms while serving as responsible world citizens. Such nuance has been lost in our prolonged and pointless culture war.

The next generation admires the civic responsibility of the fifties and the progressive art and music of the sixties. They have embraced a both/and view but have been alienated by either/or debates. A purple state of mind embraces freedom and responsibility. It takes the best of history but leaves the worst excesses (on both sides) behind. It blows away the purple haze hanging over our past. This chapter highlights key moments that got us into this mess. It will offer tangible proposals for moving on with maturity.

Nixon Versus Kennedy

For almost 50 years, we have been sorting out the choices represented by the first televised presidential debate, Republican Richard M. Nixon versus Democrat John F. Kennedy. On September 26, 1960, Vice President Nixon and Senator Kennedy squared off under the moderation of ABC’s Howard K. Smith. Over 80 million viewers tuned into the debate, which pitted Nixon’s experience (eight years as Eisenhower’s vice-president) against Kennedy’s comparative youth (one term as a U.S. senator). Both candidates offered hawkish opposition to the Communist threat represented by the Soviet Union. They debated issues of national debt, farm subsidies, welfare, and health care that continue to be unresolved. They drew distinctions about the role of government to stimulate economic growth. But Nixon and Kennedy diverged most significantly in style rather than substance.

Kennedy arrived at the debates looking tan, rested, and energetic. Nixon looked haggard, having recently fought off the flu. He refused to don makeup, figuring his forceful words would rule the day. Those who listened to the debate on the radio found Nixon the victor. Yet those watching the debate on tiny black-and-white televisions saw something else. They saw Nixon sweat while Kennedy smiled. Although Nixon was only five years older than Kennedy, his demeanor seemed comparatively ancient in outlook and energy. Nixon’s noticeable five-o’clock shadow didn’t help either.

Nixon learned the connections between style and substance too late in the campaign. Makeup covered his beard in three subsequent television debates. But Kennedy gained just enough confidence and votes to capture the closest general election of the twentieth century. Just one-tenth of 1 percent of votes separated Kennedy from Nixon. Americans have remained almost equally divided ever since.

The legacy of John F. Kennedy remains remarkably hopeful and progressive. Consider the optimism behind his war on poverty. Having watched the Russians beat Americans into orbit, Kennedy redefined the terms of the space race. How much chutzpah did it take to engage in a race to the moon? His version of American government looks almost absurdly hopeful in hindsight.

When Richard Nixon campaigned for president in 1968 (and for reelection in 1972), he promised an alternative to the vexing Vietnam War. Nixon expanded the Cold War efforts to include Cambodia and Laos. He presented a stronger America that refused to be intimidated. At the same time, Nixon engaged in a remarkable array of diplomatic missions to China and the Soviet Union. He met his adversaries face-to-face, winning surprising concessions and forging unexpected alliances.

Behind their policies, presidents Kennedy and Nixon represented divergent attitudes toward profound social change within America. The Kennedy years brought glamour to the White House. Entertainers like Marilyn Monroe sang sultry birthday greetings to President Kennedy. An air of celebration could also be read as a reign of permissiveness. A Democratic administration presided over the explosion of sex, drugs, and rock and roll. Progressive politics coincided with experimentation and unrest. The Nixon presidency offered a return to law and order. Freedom took a backseat to responsibility. In 1971, President Nixon identified drug abuse as public enemy number one in the United States. He created the Special Action Office for Drug Abuse Prevention (it became the Drug Enforcement Administration in 1973). We’ve been fighting America’s longest war, the war on drugs, ever since.

Purple Haze

Jimi Hendrix’ song “Purple Haze” epitomizes the fuzzy grasp of reality that accompanied drug experimentation in the sixties. The title allegedly arose from a powerful batch of LSD served to Hendrix by Owsley Stanley. Some have also attributed it to a strain of purple marijuana. Hendrix said the inspiration arrived in a dream. Whatever the derivation, “Purple Haze” is rooted in altered states of consciousness. Released in 1967, “Purple Haze” served as the psychedelic anthem for San Francisco’s summer of love. The key to the song’s eerie sound is harmonic dissonance. Jimi’s guitar is tuned in B-flat, while Noel Redding’s bass plays E octaves. Such discordant sounds matched the era perfectly. A clash of cultures resulted in something jarring and new. Jimi didn’t just play rock music, he offered the Jimi Hendrix Experience.

Consider the transcendent promises contained in his phrase, “’Scuse me while I kiss the sky.” Some heard it as a sexual provocation, a pledge to kiss a guy. But the sound made it clear that his sights were set in the great beyond. At his seminal appearance at the Monterey Pop Festival, Jimi transported the crowd to a higher state of consciousness. He demonstrated the otherworldly power of raw feedback, playing his guitar behind, above, and beyond himself. Hendrix stepped into the role of sexual shaman, licking, caressing, and stroking guttural sounds from his Stratocaster. In setting his guitar on fire during “Wild Thing,” Hendrix offered his gifts to the rock gods. It is an incantation, sacrificing his most precious possessions to the altar of altered states.

Unfortunately, Jimi’s life ended up in a similar state of self-immolation, falling to pieces just as suddenly and tragically. The Experience Music Project in Seattle serves as a permanent archive for all things Hendrix. EMP founder Paul Allen spent part of his Microsoft millions acquiring Hendrix memorabilia, bringing it back to Jimi’s hometown of Seattle. It is a memorial to a musical messiah. The hall dedicated to Jimi is fittingly called “Sky Church.”

To others, “Purple Haze” demonstrated a world utterly adrift. The idyllic visions of Woodstock were undercut by the horrific murder at Altamont. With Hell’s Angels serving as security, 1969’s other free concert (at Altamont Speedway in Northern California) ended in death rather than musical bliss. Every time Rolling Stone magazine presents another rosy retrospective of the sixties, I wonder why it refuses to acknowledge the dark side of psychedelia. How can it hold up Hendrix, Joplin, and Jim Morrison as departed saints, when they are also exhibits A, B, and C in the perils of drug abuse? They were amazing and stupid at the same time. Great talents squandered by excess. So when parents who lived through the worst of the sixties attempt to spare their children the same amount of destructive experimentation, I applaud. “Just say no” arose from painful, lived experience. It may have been simplistic, but it was preferable to self-destruction.

Recent films like Drugstore Cowboy, Trainspotting, and Requiem for a Dream capture both the allure and the demolition of drugs. They provide an audio-visual approximation of a drug trip. Their images are intoxicating and attractive—the ultimate music videos. Yet their message is clear: Despite the attraction, do not be deceived—drugs will kill you. They serve as cautionary tales for a stylish era. Today’s students have largely learned from the painful past. Rates of teenage pregnancies, drug use, and violence have hit 40-year lows. The parents from a turbulent era raised remarkably respectful, well-behaved kids. Demographers Neil Howe and William Strauss noted the surprising generational shift:

Boomers started out as the objects of loosening child standards in an era of conformist adults. Millennials are starting out as the objects of tightening child standards in an era of non-conformists adults. By the time the last Millennials come of age, they could become…the cleanest-cut young adults in living memory.

To a large degree, Generation Y has embraced the family values of the 1950s. But its rebellion remains wrapped in the profane packages of the 1960s.

Consider the violent, R-rated film Fight Club (1999). It is a scathing critique of consumer culture and middle-class values. We follow Jack, the bored protagonist, on a brutal slide into an underworld of macho self-abuse. Jack longs for genuine feeling, even if he must shed blood to achieve it. So while Jack may be a mild-mannered bureaucrat by day, he rallies his friends for bare-knuckled bar fights at night. Fight Club unleashes the fragile postmodern male id with frightening results. What begins as an invigorating alternative devolves into Project Mayhem, a prescient precursor to the terrorist attacks of 9/11. Schizophrenia leads to destructive nihilism.

This is contrasted by the diagnosis offered by the toughest puncher in the club, Tyler Durden. He summarizes the isolation of a generation raised in affluence rather than upheaval:

Advertising has us chasing cars and clothes, working jobs we hate so we can buy s— we don’t need. We’re the middle children of history, man. No purpose or place. We have no Great War. No Great Depression. Our Great War’s a spiritual war…our Great Depression is our lives. We’ve all been raised on television to believe that one day we’d all be millionaires and movie gods and rock stars. But we won’t. And we’re slowly learning that fact. And we’re very, very p— off.

When I showed Fight Club to a class of undergraduate students, they nodded in recognition. They connected with Tyler’s frustration. During a class discussion afterward, a student announced, “We’re rebels.” When I asked what they were rebelling against, he said, “Our parents.” is all sounded more than vaguely familiar, so I pushed further. “What does that look like?” The students answered, “We don’t want to be like our parents. Drinking. Doing drugs. Getting lots of divorces…we’re rebels!” e most rebellious behavior imaginable? Abstinence!

While baby boomers harrumph about presidential candidates’ ancient drug use, their children are begging for them to grow up. Parents complain to MTV about Britney Spears’ kiss with Madonna. Switchboards light up from viewers shocked by Janet Jackson’s nipple slip during the Super Bowl halftime show. Yet the next generation lets out a collective yawn. They’ve already seen it, done it, or dismissed it. They identify with the band Weezer, which recorded a song titled “Tired of Sex.” They are ready to move on, past the provocation to more substantive issues. Rivers Cuomo of Weezer asks, “Oh, why can’t I be making love come true?”

A New Conversation

Craig: My introduction to what it meant to follow Jesus was to be a laughingstock. It meant bad hair, bad makeup, and bad TV. Is this what I signed up for? This whole tension of red state and blue state, this is the tension that I live with—how do I own my own people who so make me cringe on a regular basis? This nomenclature of left and right, red and blue is not helpful right now.

John: It’s not meant to be helpful. It’s meant to do exactly what it does. I’m not happy with what people on the traditional left, or Democrats, say is their worldview. I honestly don’t know if they have one. I’m as weary as anybody in this country of the politically correct dialogue, which basically says, “I’m a victim and you’re not. No, I’m a victim and you’re not.” It’s useless. It’s done. It’s dead. Postmodernism is dead. All those answers on the secular side are basically dead.

John Marks and I stand between generations. We are old enough to understand the boomers’ intra-generational issues, yet we’re still young enough to identify with the discontent of those who followed. We embarked on a purple state of mind because we’re desperate for a new paradigm, hungering for a different set of talking points. We each risked alienating our constituencies. Coming from evangelical Christianity, I am part of the fifties tribe, which is struggling to protect home and hearth. As a journalist, John Marks identifies with the political left and their tattered ideals. We both find ourselves embarrassed by those we represent. I ask how God’s people could have turned Jesus into a hater. John questions why allegedly free-thinking people are so close-minded when it comes to religion. A purple state of mind tries the patience of both sides. It runs the risk of disloyalty for the sake of a larger goal.

We must put the past behind us. We can no longer afford to be divided over issues of sexuality and drug use when global crises demand our attention. To lead the world, we must get past our adolescent fixation on who did what to whom. The rumor mills that trumped up charges against the Clintons in Whitewater or George W. Bush with evasion of the Vietnam War have done nothing but distract us. How much negative energy has been expended on investigations that went nowhere? We’ve been busy digging up dirt when we should have been building roads and schools. We tore down a government in Iraq rather than solidifying our own ability to lead by example. Shame on us for obsessing over the past instead of investing in the future. No wonder voters in 2008 longed for change.

The Gospel According to Austin Powers

Our desperate need for freedom and responsibility rests in the seemingly contradictory letters of the apostle Paul. He applied his godly advice in a unique way for the audience he was addressing. To Corinthian Christians navigating a libertine culture, he preached caution. Corinth was noted for temples dedicated to Apollo and Aphrodite. Worship at these temples often included sex with temple prostitutes. They were thought to serve as conduits for the divine. An intimate sexual encounter on temple grounds was comparable to an experience with the gods. So imagine how confused early Corinthian Christians may have been about what constituted proper worship of Christ. Their understanding of Christian freedom knew no bounds. Paul urged the Corinthian church to exercise spiritual discipline, to get their house in order. He insisted they “flee from sexual immorality” (1 Corinthians 6:18). To those who claimed, “Everything is permissible,” Paul responded with a chastening, “Everything is not beneficial” (1 Corinthians 10:23).

In Corinth, even eating meat could involve idolatrous activity. The local cults of Apollo and Aphrodite controlled so much of the public consciousness and economy that new believers were encouraged to examine the sources of their food supply. Food sacrificed to idols may not be contaminated physically, but Paul challenged the Corinthian to demonstrate sensitivity toward those who may have confused or conflated eating with idolatry. Paul urges the Corinthian believers to take responsibility for their Christian brothers and sisters. To a chaotic church, he preaches order, propriety, and maturity.

Yet to the uptight church in Galatia, Paul preaches freedom. The new believers clung too closely to their Jewish roots. Perhaps out of fear of persecution, the local church leaders insisted that new Christians adopt the rigorous (old) rules of Hebraic law. Gentile converts were expected to get circumcised according to Jewish ritual. Paul considers such attempts to bind people to ancient purity laws as a threat to the gospel of grace. He insists, “It is for freedom that Christ has set us free. Stand firm, then, and do not let yourselves be burdened again by a yoke of slavery” (Galatians 5:1). He begged the Galatian Christians to loosen up, to relax their standards in the name of Christ.

Was Paul contradicting himself? By no means! In each letter, he concludes with an appeal to love. To the legally minded Galatians, Paul summarizes the law in a single command, “Love your neighbor as yourself” (Galatians 5:14). To the battling Corinthians who confused sex with love, Paul spells out the attitudes and actions that constitute love. “Love is patient, love is kind. It does not envy, it does not boast, it is not proud” (1 Corinthians 13:4). He preaches freedom to Galatia and responsibility to Corinth because they each need to apply the message in a unique way.

Unfortunately, we often fail to identify our particular blind spots. Legalistic churches will often reiterate the call to purity given to the Corinthians. Lax churches will return to Paul’s letter to the Galatians to justify more license. Those who need freedom cling to responsibility. Christians who need to learn responsibility insist upon the freedom Paul grants to Galatia. Those who have ears to hear, let them hear.

Austin Powers: International Man of Mystery urges us toward maturity. In the comedic conclusion, Austin gets the drop on a surprised Dr. Evil. But Evil remains unflappable and punches Austin’s buttons: “We’re not so different, you and I. However, isn’t it ironic that the very things that you stand for—free love, swinging parties—are all now, in the nineties, considered to be evil?” Austin retorts, “No, man, what we swingers were rebelling against is uptight squares like you whose bag was money and world domination. We were innocent, man. If we’d known the consequences of our sexual liberation we would have done things differently, but the spirit would have remained the same. It’s freedom, baby, yeah!” Austin Powers connects wisdom, experience, and the spirit all in one interrelated package. Dr. Evil offers a challenge: “Face it—freedom failed.” With the sounds of the sixties anthem “What the World Needs Now Is Love” playing in the background, Austin concludes, “No man, freedom didn’t fail. Right now we’ve got freedom and responsibility. It’s a very groovy time.” Even sassy movie stars can capture profound truths.

It is not freedom versus responsibility. It is not the law and order of the Republican Party or the liberal policies of the Democratic Party. We need a strong military to defend our freedoms. We need unregulated markets to encourage innovation. We need social agencies to check our greed and support “the least of these.” We must find freedom and responsibility between the parties. We must learn to listen to Paul’s competing calls. Christian maturity incorporates the whole of scripture and applies it to an integrated life. We must be aware of our history. We must recognize how we’ve become so divided. We must grow up as a nation, moving on to freedom and responsibility rather than dragging each other into ancient history. The radical claims of Paul continue to challenge us. Libertines may need to give up some freedoms for the health of others. Conservatives may need to unwind enough for the Spirit to enter in.

Adolescence is an experiment in self-governance. It is about identifying your own strengths and weaknesses, learning to moderate. Sometimes we fall on our faces from too much excess. At other times, we shrink back from opportunities we should have seized. Highly responsible people may sprint to early success and wake up 20 years later, wondering what all the compliance wrought. They will long for freedom. Those raised in a borderless environment will have to find a roadmap that shows where the blind curves and dangerous precipices are located. Maturity arises when those maps have been internalized, when familiarity with biblical wisdom coincides with personal experience. We appreciate the gift of freedom, but we also recognize when enough is enough. Only with our house in order can we begin to focus outwardly. We do not merely play thought police, checking and correcting others. Rather, we take on the deeper challenge of walking beside others, inviting them to join us on the journey. It’s a very groovy time.

Flybabies Write!

October 15th, 2008

Do you know about FlyLady?  Most of us find her website when we are trying to figure out ways to get organized enough to get our homes looking decent.  What we end up finding is love, help, encouragement, coaching and the “how to” of decluttering our homes, our bodies and our minds.  There are many state and local groups of flybabies who are helping each other get out from under the chaos.  I belong to an especially active group filled with very talented and caring women.  I have challenged them to let their creativity shine through and to write some guest articles.  You will begin to see them this week.  I am very proud of these ladies who have become lpart of my family through this group.

From The Recipe Box

October 13th, 2008

This is a another recipe from Mother’s friend, Mabel Legg.

APRICOT BREAD

  • 1 cup apricots

Soak for 30 minutes in warm water.  Drain and cut the apricots into 1/4 inch pieces.  Set aside.

  • 1 cup sugar
  • 2 tbsp soft butter
  • 1 egg

Mix together and add

  • 1/4 cup water
  • 1/2 cup orange juice

Sift together

  • 2 cups flour
  • 2 tsp baking powder
  • 1/4 tsp baking soda
  • 1 tsp salt

Add to the batter.  Mix together 1/2 cup chopped nuts and the apricot pieces.  Blend into the batter.  Live a 9 1/2″ x 5 1/4″ x 2 3/4″ pan with wax paper or grease and flour the pan.  Pour the batter into the pan and let stand 20 minutes.  Bake for 55-65 minutes at 350F.  Take paper off immediately and let cool on a rake.

Consumer Man loves most fruits, but doesn’t care for apricots, which are one of my favorites.  Since he’s working on the east coast, now is a good time for me to make this bread.

Why Should I Fear?

October 12th, 2008

Hear this, all you peoples; give ear, all inhabitants of the world, both low and high, rich and poor together.  My mouth shall speak wisdom; the meditation of my heart shall be understanding.  I will incline  my ear to a proverb; I will solve my riddle to the music of the harp.

Why should I fear in times of trouble, when the iniquity of my persecutors surrounds me, those who trust in their wealth and boast of the abundance of their riches?  Truly, no ransom avails for one’s life, there is no price one can give to God for it.  For the ransom of life is costly, and can never suffice that one should live on forever and never see the grave.

When we look at the wise, they die; fool and dolt perish together and leave their wealth to others.  Their graves are their homes forever, their dwelling places to all generations, though they named lands their own.  Mortals cannot abide in their pomp; they are like the animals that perish.

Such is the fate of the foolhardy, the end of those who are pleased with their lot.

Psalm 49:1-13

More Fun Than Pike’s Peak

October 9th, 2008

That’s the Pike Place Fish Market in Seattle.  It’s home to flying fish and the Fish Philosophy.  Do you enjoy your job?  Do you really have fun at work?  The fishmongers at Pike Place do.  Check out their web cam and watch them at work.  They and their customers are having a great time.  Makes me wish I were working at a place like that.  Hey, I’d buy fish from them just for the experience.  I first heard of their Fish Philosophy a couple years ago during a presentation by my current employer. Both the video and philosophy are excellent. 

The Fish Philosophy involves four elements. 

  • Play.  If work is fun, it gets done.  Play is a state of mind that brings new energy to the tasks  involved in our jobs and sparks creative solutions. 
  • Make their day.  A small kindness or unforgettable moment can turn routine encounters into special memories.
  • Be there.  Not just your body.  Be totally focused on the moment and on the person or task.  When we are fully focused on others, we listen.
  • Choose your attitude.  If you choose your response to whatever life brings, you can look for the best and find opportunities. 

Some suggestions presented to help you choose your attitude include waking up early to spend some time in meditation, yoga, prayer, reading or taking a walk.  Try turning off the radio on the way to work and reflect on how you will “be” during the day.  Start a gratitude journal.  Keep an intention log in which you jot down your intentions for the week and post them on your bathroom mirror. That way you can reflect on them every time you wash your face or brush your teeth.  Break out of the cycle mid-day and take a walk.  The last suggestion is that when you arrive at work, stay in your car a little longer  or close your office door.  Use this time to go over your planner and reflect on how you will “be” during each appointment, meeting or activity.

Once you’ve chosen your attitude, then it is easier to play and create an enjoyable workplace.  If we can’t take time off from work to go fish, then let’s fish while we’re at work. 

 

Another Dow Jones Plunge

October 9th, 2008

Today saw Wall Street take another big hit.  The Dow Jones was down around 200 points until the last hour of trading when it plunged for a total of 678.91 points.  Today the market closed with the Dow at 678.91 points.  A year ago today when the Dow was at it’s peak, it closed at 14,164.53.

The United States Federal Reserve, the European Central Bank, the Bank of England and other central banks moved Wednesday to jointly cut their benchmark interest rates by half a point, seeking to renew confidence in an increasingly panicked international financial community. Didn’t work.  Check The New York Times to see today’s reactions of the foreign markets.

Meanwhile, countries and states are going bankrupt.  Examples are Iceland and California.  In Iceland, the government seized Kaupthing Bank, the country’s largest lender, effectively completing the nationalization of its banking system.  And in California, Arnold wants in on the big bailout.  You know, the one which hasn’t helped Wall Street.

I’m Not Usually Vain Enough For Vanity Fair

October 8th, 2008

I’m also too cheap frugal to put out the money for it.  Well, almost always.  I just purchased the first issue in years.  What, might you ask, is so special about this issue to pry that much money from my hands for a magazine that isn’t sewing, knitting or garden related?  I walked past the display and then had to backtrack to look at the beautiful woman on the front.  I stopped and looked some more, checked out the articles in that issue, picked it up, put it back and walked out.  But it kept haunting me.  I didn’t make a special trip back for it, but I had to run out to Target to buy a bunch of moth balls and a couple cans of that expanding foam insulation.  That story comes later.  I decided that if I saw the magazine at the checkout, I would fork over $4.50 US for it.  Now that’s a lot considering our economy has no upside right now, and I vowed to cut back even more on my expenses.  There it was.  The only copy left.  I grabbed it like it was some precious jewel. 

I could hardly wait to get home and start reading.  Talk about disappointment.  I had to wade through a half inch of adverts before finally finding my article.  Ah, the disappointment was only momentary.  There she was in all her glory.  Marilyn.  And if you don’t know who I’m talking about, you aren’t old enough to truly appreciate her.  Marilyn was from the era of beautiful women with names like Liz, Audrey and Brigitte.  Everyone knew them by their first names.  Monroe, Taylor, Hepburn and Bardot weren’t needed to identify these ladies.  Marilyn was the one who haunted us, while Liz dazzled us, Audrey gave us style and grace and Brigitte was the daring one.  The mystery of Marilyn’s death is 46 years old.  Was it suicide?  Was it an accident?  Was it a conspiracy?  There’s still much speculation.  Two locked filing cabinets and more than two years documentation of the contents are the basis of the article, “The Things She Left Behind.”  A collection of her papers, fur, jewelry and other items were photographed by Mark Anderson.  What do all these things reveal about Marilyn and her death?  You don’t have to shuffle through 319 pages of ads to get to the article.  It begins on page 320.

This is the 25th anniversary issue of Vanity Fair.  In it you will also find interesting articles about Dominick Dunne, Annie Leibovitz, Brooke Astor, Anne Hathaway and Vladimir Putin.  Also in this issue is the 14th annual “New Establishment” list of 100 leaders of the information age.

No, I don’t regret spending the money on this Vanity Fair.  I know it’s highly unlikely I will do it again.  Sometimes a woman just has to have a little splurge before going back into frugal mode.